i used to laugh at plankton because he’s married to a computer but now i am plankton
(via mistermarvel)
She said, ‘I know what it’s like to be dead. I know what it is to be sad.’ And she’s making me feel like I’ve never been born.
The Beatles
My dad dropped a watermelon and it bursted open all over the ground
I think I heard the cries of a thousand black people
(via immafuckinunicorn)
- girl: i'm having vagina surgery
- boyfriend: i know
- girl: i love you
- boyfriend: i love you too
- after surgery she wakes up and only dad is there
- girl: where is my boyfriend
- dad: who do you think gave you the vagina
- girl: what
- me: closes wrong tab
- me: PTERODACTYL NOISE
